


Trying to find myself, in a world that feels like home and nothing like it at the very same time

by lilolilyrae



Series: On My Own ( in the Multiverse) [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Identity Issues, Lverse, Multiverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-26 21:40:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20749187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilolilyrae/pseuds/lilolilyrae
Summary: Thank you all so much for all the positive feedback I got on the last part! Honestly didn't expect that on such an oc-centric fic! Hope you like the new chapter :)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much for all the positive feedback I got on the last part! Honestly didn't expect that on such an oc-centric fic! Hope you like the new chapter :)

After running away from Grace at the beach, the little girl, whatever her name may be- and she isn't _Grace_ anymore, no, the name felt wrong ever since dhe left her home, and after meeting the Grace of this universe, seeing how different she is, she knows she cannot have that name anymore at all- Simply hides for a while.

Circling around people, trying to look like a tourist to locals and a local to tourists and not having anyone approach her.

She buys a shave-ice from a truck- not Kamekona's, she stays clear of any beach where she is likely to meet people she knows- and yes, that at least tasts reliably sweet and the same as always. It makes her feel better, in a way, but then that again makes her want to barf.

The money isn't hers- Vicky gave her a few bills when she left the house, together with an 'Alarm Button' on a lanyard and a wristband measuring her pulse. Probably afraid she'll kill herself or something. But no, to do that she would have to care, one way or another, and since the first shock and grief has passed, she only feels numb. Doesn't even care where the money comes from, or whether Vicky will magically have access to her accounts in her old univese. Wouldn't do well, probably, making inflation or something happen, when you just take money from one universe to the other. Eh. Again, she doesn't really care, she just knows Vicky would, in her own funny way.

Walking along the streets, the girl thinks in a quite detatched way about the fact that she doesn't currently have a name. She thinks, _well, even if I don't have one, on my ID there's still the old one_\- and then she realises no, Age doesn't have an ID card or any legal Identity at all- Vicky knows someone who can help with that, apparently, once she decides on a place to stay in permanently.

So, she doesn't have a name at all.

And it's funny, isn't it? One doesn't usually think about oneself by the own name, because that would be a weird third person thinking kinda thing. So if you never got a name, and, like, don't know other people with names, would you realise that you were missing something? You'd still be you, with all the things that you are. A name shouldn't be an Identity.

But in a way, it is, and she feels lost. 

Walking back through the streets, Away from the city and towards the beach closest to Victoria's place, she feels tears welling up in her eyes. Because it isn't funny at all! Not Really.

By the time she reaches the sand, tears are flowing freely, and somehow it feels less desperate than the last time she cried like this. Now it feels more like relief.

"Maybe I should stop pretending like I don't have feelings" she mumbles.

"Sounds good" Felicitas has walked up besides her, speaking softly so as not to startle the younger girl. "How about we do something together, something that isn't just walking around? Watch a movie, go shopping? Whatever you like."

"okay" she sniffs. "But first, I really need a name."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw I'm like rly bad with like ages of children, like how developed they are at what age? So I left that kinda open on purpose, but if you must know the Williams' girls are probably like 9 or 10 and Feli is ~15 idk? If you have better suggestions + reasons pls let me know!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just binged through The Lizzie Bennet Diaries on yt earlier so seeing the name Darcy in a different context again is kinda confusing atm but I couldn't Not have her together with Quince and J :D

In the end, she does go shopping with Felicitas, if only because her head is in too much turmoil to think up any good names, and she doesn't want to choose one from the movies. This is supposed to be her name, her identity, not one of a fictional character.

At the mall, they meet up with some of Feli's friends- she asked her like three times whether it would really be okay, nur honestly, yes it is because she needs the distraction. Plus, she doesn't really know anyone here, not Really.

The girls- more like _women_, really- Quincy, Darcy and Jay are even older than Feli, they aren't from the island but apparently Jay started working at a local youth centre or something a while ago, and her friends came to visit and ended up sticking around. 

She doesn't really catch much else of the conversation. Quincy and Darcy are very _loud_, and all three have very loud _opinions_, and they are exactly the sort of people that would usually annoy her to no end because how do you focus on a book or your own thoughts while someone is constangly shout-talking? And you definitely couldn't go fishing with those three either, they'd scare all the fish away. But now... it's exactly the distraction from her own thoughts that she needs. Plus, they seem kind of genuinly nice...

"Hey, kiddo!" Quincy says and pulls up a bright orange t-shirt from a rack. "Here, try this on, we gotta update ypir wardrobe!"

"Ugh, no Quince don't try to force _your_ style on her- we've been through this, haven't we j-j?" Darcy throws a look over her shoulder at who She has by now learned is actually called Jamie. The adressed holds up her hands in a clear sign of 'I'm not taking sides here!' and moves to a different rack of clothes with Felicitas.

Darcy continues:"_I_ am the one with the superior sophisticated fashion sense to share with the world! Hey, what about this?" She takes a different shirt of the rack, dark blue with little stars on it- and Quincy immediately snatches it away. "Hey!" Darcy squeaks.

_She_ actually has to kind of laugh at their antics. Just a chuckle, but still.

"Well, even if you heathens don't get style, imma take this" Quincy holds up the shirt. "On second thought, I don't think they stock my size... eh I think I still got some fabric like that somewhere layin around..." 

"Ughh just try Wish or Amazon or something, they're got everything!" Darcy rolls her eyes.

Quince gives her a look. "First of all- in your skeleton size maybe they do. Second- those cooperations are the pure Evil."

"Ughhhh-"

While they continue bickering and Quincy is pickinh out a true monstrosity of a neon pink hat with neon green leave print on it to try on, She wanders off into the direction Feli and Jay went earlier. On her way, she notices a pile of lifestyle magazines by the door...

There are definitely names in there.

Fixated, hopeful, she walks towards them.

Flipping through the Pages.

Some of the people she knows, some of the names she knows other people by, some of the names are plain weird.

Names, names... there's got to be something.

Some pages just have pictures, no articles at all- but in the corner underneath a picture:

> '..._Alexa.._.'

Maybe it's the picture of an actress or something, or maybe it's the photographer's name. She tried not to read any further after seeing the name- she likes it, and doesn't want it to be just someone elses name, doesn't want to be named _After_ someone, she wants it for _herself_.

_Alexa._

She doesn't know anyone by that name. It doesn't sound anything like _Grace_ either. But it is pretty, short and rememberable. It's perfect.

She puts the magazine down. _Alexa_ puts the 'zine down, and looks outside through the see-through door, watching the people go by. She has an identity again, a name just like everyone else...

Tears are welling up in her eyes.

"Are you okay?" Feli asks her softly. "Sorry- stupid question."

She shakes her head, nods, shakes her head, laughs and cries at the same time.

"Alexa" she says under sobs. 

"_My name is Alexa_"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know having a name again isn't gonna solve all her problems but Yes I can also totally Imagine a lot fixating on sth like that. Anywayzz, let me know what you Think! (No this is not an invitation for esp unconstructive criticism, Evil Stay Back)
> 
> Btw I'm still on my Bad Phone with Bad Autocorrect, if you notice any typos do let me know!

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, let me know, and maybe i'll be persuaded to write more :D in the meantime, you might want to check out [this other H50 fic by me](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1150412), it also has Feli and Vicky in it :)


End file.
